The rise of kindness

This is part two of a two-part post. Read part one: The Rise of Cruelty

In my previous post, I wrote about the rise of cruelty. But cruelty isn't the whole story.

As cruelty rises, so does its counterpart: kindness.

A small gesture can change your life or uplift your day. I have been reminded of kindness lately, being on the receiving end. Kind people make you feel special.

Last year, I was traveling with my family, and we were with kind friends. This was a special time, and a year later, my son still recalls those moments because they made a deep and durable impression.

As I have been on the receiving end of unnecessary cruelty, I am also, at the same time, on the receiving end of kindness. I had people reaching out, helping in their own way, offering time, resources, and anything they had just to help.

I met with an entrepreneur recently who was shafted in business—big numbers—and who shared that, at times, he doesn't believe in humanity. I understand. We tend to focus on the negative. And the financial hardship and stress don't help. After a short conversation, we discovered that he, too, has been on the receiving end of kindness: friends around him, business partners who helped him.

Kindness is a way of being.

It's not just a one-time act. It's a practice, a choice we make again and again. We need to understand the other being and wish them happiness. Then, act on it in a way that empowers them. That's what kindness does.

It's a choice, just as cruelty is. A choice to help others, empower them, help them heal.

What does kindness look like in practice?

Sometimes it's giving money to the homeless person near the supermarket. But more than that, it's having conversations with him, making him feel like he belongs, reminding him he's a human like any other. Asking about his dreams. Just having a chat and making sure to look him in the eyes each time you cross paths, acknowledging him. Homeless people can feel excluded from society. A look, a conversation, a moment of recognition can change that.

Sometimes it's practicing specific prayers for people, so they don't feel alone when bad news happens.

Sometimes it's caring for four stray cats who were feral at the start. Little by little, they learned to trust, to relax, to be affectionate. Patience. Consistency. Showing up. This is what kindness requires.

I think kindness rises with cruelty because it feels needed. Many of us don't like unfairness or wrong, so practicing kindness is a way to balance things out. It's a way to demonstrate that compassion is also in our human nature—perhaps even more fundamental than cruelty.

It's not all bad.

There is hope, and anyone can do something.

A smile. An act of kindness here or there.

As Maya Angelou said: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

And as the Dalai Lama reminds us: "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

This is a call to action: rise up, spread kindness everywhere you go.

This week, look someone in the eyes who is often overlooked. Smile at a stranger. Check in on someone who's struggling.

Choose kindness. It's always possible.

Read part one: The Rise of Cruelty

The rise of cruelty

This is part one of a two-part post. Read part two: The Rise of Kindness.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am biased.

But it seems to me that we are observing a rise in cruelty and cruel behaviour. From small things in daily life to leaders displaying the trait openly.

I see it at the supermarket, where some people behave disrespectfully. On the road, with road rage and other unwholesome behaviors. In social media interactions. We saw it in the hoarding of toilet rolls at the start of COVID-19.

I have also witnessed it in business. I find it acceptable to make decisions based purely on business outcomes or goals, decisions that have an impact on humans. But there is no need for this extra layer of cruelty. Unfortunately, I had to experience that myself with some recent business decisions.

I also see it in some leaders and political figures. Yes, they have an opinion on things and decide to change the law or something similar. But this extra layer of cruelty—is that necessary? Do you appear tougher because you are cruel? Do you think being feared makes you a better leader?

I don't think so. For me, cruelty is a sign of weakness.

Let me be clear about what I mean by cruelty. There is a difference between cruelty and wrath. Cruelty is deliberate. You know you are going to hurt someone, and you choose to do it anyway. Wrath, though it looks like anger, has a different intention. Think of a mother screaming at her child as he's about to cross the road without seeing an oncoming car. It will stop him in his tracks. From a distance, it looks like she's yelling and angry. But her intention is love—for her child to be safe and happy.

Cruelty can be deliberate, a way to gain short-term power. It is often perceived as strength by a segment of the population, as if the cruel person is strong. But I see it differently. Cruelty is weakness masquerading as power.

What's driving this rise?

Income inequality is one factor, along with the disappearance of the middle class in most Western countries. This creates economic tension. For the first time in history, people working today will be less wealthy than the previous generation. The social contract is broken. This leads to helplessness, and blaming others is often a quick response to that—whether it's immigrants, the rich, the poor, or whoever you point the finger at. This is called the "single enemy" in propaganda, a tactic used to unite people against a common target rather than addressing the real issues.

We do live in an age of abundance. We have peace like we never had before, if we look at the big picture. We have good economic outputs, though unbalanced due to hoarding and income inequality. The numbers prove that the top 1% control a greater part of the GDP than ever before. So we have abundance, but it is not well shared. This, again, leads to hopelessness.

And in our age of abundance, technologies, and communication, cruelty is beyond unnecessary. We have promoted individualism too far. Despite what the Western media says, we are all interdependent.

But here's the thing: cruelty is a choice.

Just as kindness is a choice.

And as this behavior happens, so does its counterpart.

Continue to part two: The Rise of Kindness

Kindness is strength

I am not particularly fond of Gary Vee, I wonder why.

Maybe it's the swearing?

When I was travelling recently, I saw his article dedicated to Kindness.

And there are a few things that resonated with me.

Kindness is one of my top 5 values, personally and in business.

And I can attest that too often, people misunderstand Kindness.

Kindness is not weakness.

Kindness is not being a doormat.

Kindness is not being passive.

For me, Kindness is associated with wisdom and care.

I am kind to you because I can sometimes see the big picture, not the small play.

I see the small play, and I am aware of it.

And you may think I am a fool, and you can abuse the situation; this happened in the past.

I am not, but I mostly choose to respond with Kindness.

Yet, it doesn't mean I don't have boundaries, I do, and they can be pretty powerful.

One must be strong to display Kindness when times are rough and small plays are in action.

I am talking about inner strength, mental strength.

I also know that responding with Kindness may not be perceived immediately or on the day, but people know, feel it and get the long-term experience.

I have witnessed that many times.

For example, I had people I disagreed with many years ago who came back to me after two or three years, saying that they did sense the care and Kindness at the time, though they couldn't reasonably respond.

What is your experience with Kindness, either on the receiving end or when giving it?

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." H.H. Dalai Lama.

Creating positive frustration - to build habits-

I had an “incident” in business years ago.

A business partnership that went south quite badly.

I had to reflect and reposition myself and what I was doing.

I decided to put several things in place, starting with taking better care of my body.

I put a plan in place to go to the gym five times a week.

Starting from nothing and no exercise at all at the time, so, quite the jump!

To achieve the habit, I wanted to play a new game: positive frustration.

In the first few weeks, I will go to the gym for… two minutes—and two minutes only.

And then, leave.

I know what you think: why? It takes more time to get dressed, drive to the gym, why not stay a bit longer?

Because I wanted to build the habit.

I would wake up early, get ready, drive to the gym, start and stop everything after two minutes, and drive home. I SOOOO wanted to do more, so I would stay for at least another few minutes! That was building positive frustration: I want to go the next day!

I did that for weeks and then gradually extended it to 5 minutes, 10 minutes, you know, the rest! 😄

I was building a positive cliffhanger every morning.

I managed to build the routine.

I worked for years until Covid happened, and we were all in Melbourne lockdown.

Now, I’m still working on how to get back into the habit again!

What works for you?

500 sketches, and 500 more

I studied industrial design in Canada many years ago.

I had a great design teacher. He was quite direct with his feedback, which didn’t win him many friends among the students.

I didn’t mind, even though I have negatively been on his radar at times.

Once, he assigned us the task of designing a cutlery set: one fork, one knife, one tablespoon, and one teaspoon.

So far, so good!

The trick was in the process: we had to draw and sketch 500 of each. 😵‍💫

That is A LOT of sketches!

I decided to give it a go and explore.

One evening after the other, I sketched a knife and then another repeatedly. It was laborious, but it was also industrious…

After this assignment, I reflected on the process.

It turns out that one way to achieve a breakthrough design is through this method: You can’t possibly sketch the same idea over and over again; you will get annoyed and tired after a few tens or hundreds. And that is the whole point!

The emotional process one goes through is very much like the grieving process:

• denial

• anger

• bargaining

• depression

• acceptance

Of course, you may not go through all of them in this same sequence, but you will be emotionally triggered; that is a guarantee.

I have witnessed bargaining. many times, as I was teaching industrial design and innovation, students would say: can I do only 100? Can I sketch 50? Is that enough?

I have also witnessed anger. I recall one instance when the student verbally attacked me, and I was then the target of his anger. I had to sit with him and continue the process.

Through this laborious work, one can eventually find a new idea and a gem. I haven’t found any shortcuts or hacks.

Now, how would this work for you?

Would you repeat the same keynote 500 times?

Would you write this post 500 times, too?

Would you prepare your marketing material 500 times?

One thing I can guarantee: it is a life-changing experience.

It’s time to drop the GDP

The GDP is the Gross Domestic Product.

In essence, GDP is a measure that encapsulates the total value of all goods and services produced within a country's borders over a specific period. Its widespread use in gauging a country's economic performance underscores its importance in economic analysis, empowering you with a deeper understanding of a nation's economic health.

It was developed by economist Simon Kuznets in the 1930s and adopted by the US Congress during the Great Depression as a measure of recovery.

After World War 2, it became an international standard. It helps compare economic activity between countries.

Because of this focus, we have missed other important factors beyond the financial goals and this constant growth discourse.

We have a system that focuses on GDP growth at all costs.

• Manufacturing poor-quality food contributes to the GDP.

• Unhealthy food that leads to disease contributes to the GDP.

• Buying medicine contributes to the GDP.

The system incentivises unsustainable practices that harm the people and the environment. The GDP does not measure externalities. It does not consider environmental health, social welfare, and inequality. It doesn't account for non-market transactions that add value to society, such as volunteer work and household labour.

We forgot the human factor; we forgot environmental sustainability. We forgot happiness and well-being.

This planet is facing many, many challenges.

• Climate change.

• Increased inequalities.

• High levels of anxiety and depression are on the rise.

And these are just some of the challenges.

The GDP is not an immutable rule. It was set in the past because of a context, we live in a very different context and environment today, we need new rules and we can drop systems that no longer serve us.

We could move to the Gross National Happiness (GNH) index, just like Bhutan did a few years ago.

GNH is measured using a wide range of indicators grouped into nine domains:

• Psychological Well-being

• Health

• Education

• Time Use

• Cultural Diversity and Resilience

• Good Governance

• Community Vitality

• Ecological Diversity and Resilience

• Living Standards

We need a model. We need to care for people and the planet. For decades, I have advocated for the triple bottom line (people, planet, profit or prosperity).

The GNH is suited to our time and context. If we care for each other, we’ll care again for the planet.

It is suited for the challenges we have ahead of us.

Let’s drop the GDP, it’s about time.

PS: large corporations escape taxes up to 600 Billion a year, according to the International Monetary Fund (IMF), this has a direct impact on inequality and GDP in most countries.

Sometimes, you just have a flat tyre

I drive quite a bit for work. When possible, I prefer to see clients, suppliers and prospects face-to-face.
I also observe a lot when I drive, and I like to help when other drivers have a flat tyre.

It may be a safety thing.

I remember last summer, a woman was driving her three kids back from school, and the back left tyre was flat: I stopped near her at the traffic light, got her attention and told her about the tyre.
People have different reactions; some are grateful, some are annoyed and everything in between.

In three instances, I couldn’t get the conversation going: three times, a similar type of person.

This description is a summary and combination of those three drivers: a young woman who thinks she’s pretty, wears make-up and has trendy nail polish. I stop by her car to signal that they have a flat tyre and get this annoyed reaction: first, pretending that they didn’t see me, and then, because I am insisting, it moves to being annoyed by this man “hitting on me at the stop” or something 😄.

In those instances, I could get my point across: they continue to drive with a flat tyre.

I find that interesting: the lens in which we see the world and interactions with others. She thinks she’s pretty, and the only reason I would talk to her is to hit on her or ask for her phone number.

Sometimes, we have something in mind. Prejudice?

Other times, we just have a flat tyre.

Image: https://unsplash.com/photos/red-mercedes-benz-c-class-FXrcBTOy8Fw

Today is the World Peace Day

Actually, being in Australia, I’m already one day behind. Anyway, I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts around World Peace Day.

For most people, peace is “out there”, in our society and our community. If you live in a place where you do experience peace, you are blessed already. Not every human on this beautiful planet earth are living in peace.

But, what I want to convey here today is that it all starts with you. Inside you. In your mind. I’d like to talk about inner peace.

I have been practicing meditation for many years now. I used to suffer from anxiety and my mind was rather wild, always a background noise in my head. The beginnings were hard, I did not see much progress for months, even years. But, when I look back today, I can safely say that my mind is vastly different. More spacious. I’m happy I took the journey of meditation and seeking wisdom. I do experience inner peace and yes, I’m an ordinary being and I do have my days too. But I can come back to some calm rather quickly now.

On this World Peace Day, I would like to encourage you to start the inner journey. Find the peace inside. Then, we’ll all experience peace outside too.

Peace: a state of tranquility or quiet.